someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
