Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
