I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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