sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
