If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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