I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
