If i come over, it means nothing
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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