and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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