winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
