Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
