the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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