why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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