Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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