How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
