I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
