I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
