Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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