the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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