You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
