woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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