She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
