You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
