Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
