i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
