Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
