my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
