This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
