I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
