Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
