The police scanner is talking about you again....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
this will be a night to untag.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
