this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
