I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
