As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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