he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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