I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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