it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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