You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
