You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
