So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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