need another drink. this is the easiest way
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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