I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sorry about my life...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
