I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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