If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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