dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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