I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
