If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
