He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
