There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
