im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I party with great urgency now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
