Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
