I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
