Say something about gay babies.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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