found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
