So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
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Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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