dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
