I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
