My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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