Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
