i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
