i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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