This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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