i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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