Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
