Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
just found out that she named her cat after me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
