Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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