One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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