she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
