Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize