Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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