if i can run in heels then i can drive
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
