her vagina looked like bernie madoff
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
