Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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