She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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