Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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