eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
