he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
