Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Randomize
