we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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