dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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