I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
